Favorite Photo Friday-Easter Edition

I loved this picture cause it shows how much my kids love to cheese it-Plus they are all dressed up which is always so cute.

This picture shows how funny Tanner is - he is giving his dad the "are you seriously making me take more pictures" look.
Easter Haul-the Bunny left a lot of candy this year-much to the detriment of my waistline-but of course the kids loved it-and are still enjoying it-I am finding wrappers everywhere.
Tati is still looking a little sleepy eyed in this pic. But she loved her littlest pet shop stuff!
Tanner is my number 1 cheeser!! Showing off what the easter bunny brought.

Do you still have Hope? and other Random stuff

So lately I have been thinking about hope while going through infertility. How long before you finally say "okay this not going to happen for us"? I feel lucky that we will get to adopt because it such an amazing gift and I am so excited to be a part of it. It didn't take me long to get to this point, though it did take Troy a little bit longer. Although at the same time I find that sometimes I still think I could still get pregnant. I think this because the doctors have yet to find anything "wrong" per say. But logically I tell myself it has been 4 years of no birth control and like 4 cycles a year, so the chances are slim-but there is still the small amount of hope in me. So my question is: how long before you stopped believing there might be a chance-although slim-that you would get pregnant? Is it when you were told by drs that it wasn't going to happen or did you just come to the conclusion on your own? For me I think that I know that getting pregnant is most likely not going to happen but since we aren't ready to start our adoption process I still have that small amount of HOPE that something will happen on its own. Having said that I can't wait to start our adoption!! It is so exciting to read other peoples stories and see the wonderful joy it has brought to their lives and I can't wait to add my own story and be apart of something so special!!! So I think that the small amount of hope that is left is more me not wanting to wait any longer for a baby. Patience has never been my strong suit and the waiting to adopt is torture for me. I am just so ready!

So those are my random thoughts on infertility. I have been quite obsessive about it, but also feel at peace with the decision to wait. So my new obsession is Facebook. K-I totally love the thing!! Troy thinks I am a big dork-but that is just cause he hasn't gotten on it yet. It is so fun!! I have connected with tons of people from school that I haven't talked to in years, I also think the applications are fun-I love to take the little random quizzes. I know I am wierd, but it is way better than Myspace. If you are on Facebook I am sure you will understand!

So now I am going to start doing a favorite photo Friday- this week I have 2 pics

This is Tanner after his St. Patricks Day party at Pre-School. They made these cutle little Leprecaun Hats and wore Green. He just looked too cute.This next one is Sunday after church Troy and the kids made a fort with all of my cusions and blankets. They loved having Daddy play in the tent with them.

Happy Birthday Sis!!

So yesterday was my cute sisters 15th birthday. She is getting way to old and will be able to drive and date next year. I remember when she was born like it was yesterday. I was 13 and was soooo excited to have another little sister. I babied her and loved to take care of her. She has been such a blessing to our family. I am so grateful for her, and even though she is so much younger than me we have such an awesome friendship and I am really so lucky. She is the best aunty that my kids could have. They just adore her. Isn't she beautiful? She is 5'9" and towers over me, I wish I had some of that height, but no it all went to her and I am now the shrimp of the family.

Adoption Options

For awhile now we have been discussing all of our adoption choices. Sadly Vietnam adoptions are really unstable right now and there is talk that they may even close down. I truly hope that this doesn't happen. There are so many families waiting for referrals or waiting for travel to bring their little ones home and I can only imagine how frustrating and worrisome this time is for them. My heart truly goes out to those in the process right now. Please keep these fantastic families in your prayers. That being said we don't feel that it is a good idea for us to start a Vietnam adoption at this point in time. This was really hard as I had to come to truly believe that this is where we were suppose to go, but I know that the Lord will open other pathways and options for us. We have talked a lot about domestic adoption and I used to really struggle with some aspects of it. But I have been so touched by so many other families who have had positive experiences with it that I have truly felt my heart being opened to this option. When we first started looking into adoption after realizing the chances of us having another biological child were slim I was immediately drawn to China. Of course after some research we learned that you have to be 30 to adopt from there. Well I was 26 so that didn't work well. I always felt that we would adopt from China someday, but was impatient to wait that long. So we have looked into other options. Unfortunately with new jobs, house moves and the like we have not had the chance to really put any money away. We are working really hard at getting out of debt and have decided to wait until late this year or early next year to start an adoption. Next spring I will be 29 1/2 and able to start China paperwork - so this may be the route we take. I am excited at the prospect even though I know that the wait is quite long, but I have felt for some time that we would have a daughter born in China. Of course when you are in the mists of the struggle of wanting to have a baby more than anything it is hard to say okay lets just wait 4 years. Well 4 years is almost here.

I have struggled of late with the frustrations of infertility. The questions without answers. It is hard to not have any control over when you will be blessed with another sweet spirit, especially when you have had several witnesses that you in fact have a child waiting to come to your home. It has been hard to not be able to find even 1 doctor that can give you any idea what might be wrong with you. I have cried many nights of late pouring my heart out to the Lord asking for answers. It is hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel. I struggle also with knowing that I have been so blessed with 2 wonderful kids and there are so many who can't even have one, so then I feel guilty for feeling the way I do, for struggling and asking why. The other night I had a good cry, I was feeling sorry for myself and Troy really helped me to see how much I do have, and yes this trial is hard but we will get through it and when we finally have our baby in our arms it will have all been worth it. It is sometimes just hard to see that when you are in the mists of it. Sunday our Relief Society lesson was on Gratitude and it couldn't have come at a better time for me. So from now on I am going to try to focus on all the wonderful blessings that I do have. A wonderful family, a devoted husband, his good job, a beautiful house and of course the gospel. I am going to continually work on my patience in this journey and look forward to next year when we can start our adoption process whether it be China or Domestic.