Adoption Options

For awhile now we have been discussing all of our adoption choices. Sadly Vietnam adoptions are really unstable right now and there is talk that they may even close down. I truly hope that this doesn't happen. There are so many families waiting for referrals or waiting for travel to bring their little ones home and I can only imagine how frustrating and worrisome this time is for them. My heart truly goes out to those in the process right now. Please keep these fantastic families in your prayers. That being said we don't feel that it is a good idea for us to start a Vietnam adoption at this point in time. This was really hard as I had to come to truly believe that this is where we were suppose to go, but I know that the Lord will open other pathways and options for us. We have talked a lot about domestic adoption and I used to really struggle with some aspects of it. But I have been so touched by so many other families who have had positive experiences with it that I have truly felt my heart being opened to this option. When we first started looking into adoption after realizing the chances of us having another biological child were slim I was immediately drawn to China. Of course after some research we learned that you have to be 30 to adopt from there. Well I was 26 so that didn't work well. I always felt that we would adopt from China someday, but was impatient to wait that long. So we have looked into other options. Unfortunately with new jobs, house moves and the like we have not had the chance to really put any money away. We are working really hard at getting out of debt and have decided to wait until late this year or early next year to start an adoption. Next spring I will be 29 1/2 and able to start China paperwork - so this may be the route we take. I am excited at the prospect even though I know that the wait is quite long, but I have felt for some time that we would have a daughter born in China. Of course when you are in the mists of the struggle of wanting to have a baby more than anything it is hard to say okay lets just wait 4 years. Well 4 years is almost here.

I have struggled of late with the frustrations of infertility. The questions without answers. It is hard to not have any control over when you will be blessed with another sweet spirit, especially when you have had several witnesses that you in fact have a child waiting to come to your home. It has been hard to not be able to find even 1 doctor that can give you any idea what might be wrong with you. I have cried many nights of late pouring my heart out to the Lord asking for answers. It is hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel. I struggle also with knowing that I have been so blessed with 2 wonderful kids and there are so many who can't even have one, so then I feel guilty for feeling the way I do, for struggling and asking why. The other night I had a good cry, I was feeling sorry for myself and Troy really helped me to see how much I do have, and yes this trial is hard but we will get through it and when we finally have our baby in our arms it will have all been worth it. It is sometimes just hard to see that when you are in the mists of it. Sunday our Relief Society lesson was on Gratitude and it couldn't have come at a better time for me. So from now on I am going to try to focus on all the wonderful blessings that I do have. A wonderful family, a devoted husband, his good job, a beautiful house and of course the gospel. I am going to continually work on my patience in this journey and look forward to next year when we can start our adoption process whether it be China or Domestic.

Graduation, Summer, and Coming Clean

Wow-so I am a horrible blogger!!! The end of May was crazy with Kindergarten Graduation, our 8th anniversary, my best friends wedding and hubby's family visiting. It took up a lot of time and kept me busy, which was a good thing.

My cute daughter had Kindergarten Graduation. It was so adorable and I cried like a baby. Is that normal? Probably, it is the mom thing to do. I just can't believe that she has finished her first year of school. They grow up so fast.

We celebrated our 8th anniversary. We went to dinner and did some shopping. Nothing super exciting but it was fun to do out without the kids. We went to an Asian Place up at the Gateway that was fairly good. It seems like just yesterday we were married. Time sure does go by faster as you get older.

My husbands family was in town for 2 weeks to celebrate the birth of his sister's baby. He is a cutie and so sweet and fun to hold. Totally adds to the baby hunger we already feel. I am of course super excited for my sil, but still found I was a bit jealous. I wondered if it was totally wrong for me to feel that way. Of course I love him to pieces and am so happy for their cute family. Summer is here and I am excited to slow down a bit and enjoy time with the kids, of course they want to be doing something everyday, so I am trying to come up with activities for us to do.

We recently decided that I should wean off of my antidepressant. Yes, I suffered from fairly severe post partum depression and have been on meds for just over 3 yrs. I always felt like it was something to be ashamed of and I never ever told anyone that I was taking medication for my depression. It just didn't fit with the perfect mother image I felt that I had to live up to. Of course it is all in my head and I am sure that pressure I put on myself didn't help. I digress-anyways, as of late I felt that my meds were not as effective as they used to be and I was feeling a lot of side effects that I had never felt before. I felt horrible physically and no matter what dr. I went to could not come up with a reason why I was gaining weight, having hot flashes, headaches and night sweats. I was tired all the time and completely sick of feeling that way. Luckily a good friend of mine, who knows about my depression, suggested I look at the side effects of my antidepressant. So I did a little research, came across many support groups for people who have been or are currently on this particular drug. Lo and behold, so many of the things I have been feeling many others have also experienced while on this drug. Back when I was so depressed I didn't bother to research the drug, I just wanted to desperately to feel better, but I am so glad I did now. My hubby and I made the decision, that although the withdrawal from it could be severe, that in the long run I would be better off if I stopped taking it. It has been rough, but I have been incredibly lucky to not have some of the severe withdrawals that many others have had. I have now been off for about a month and I actually feel better than I have in a long long time. The headaches, night sweats and hot flashes have all gone and I find I have so much more energy. Obviously what works for me is not what is right for everyone, but I glad that I made this choice for me and my family.

No news on the adoption front. We haven't been able to save a lot of money, but we are trying I guess that that is what is important. I am impatient and long to hold my baby in my arms, to get her home safe and sound where she can be loved and adored. I know all adoptive parents feel this way, and waiting is part of the process. But it is still so hard. Most of our family have been nothing but supportive of our decision and we are truly grateful for that. My mil is coming around, although she seems to think that just because she wasn't able to get anymore after her 3rd that we just need to accept that we might be done. That is hard to take, and I truly hope that by the time we are ready to go pick up our sweetie that she will be fully supportive. Obviously adoption isn't for everyone, but we feel it is what is right for our family and feel that the Lord has led here for a reason. I just wish more people could understand that what is right for them may not be what is right for us and that is okay. Alright I am done with my soapbox moment. Thank you for the kind comments I receive-I will try to update more often.

ITS OFFICIAL!!!!!!

Okay so I am seriously not good at keeping up on this thing. But we have officially decided to adopt from Vietnam!!! We are really excited. It has taken us at least a year to finally be on the same page, but here we are and we couldn't be more excited. It really came down to a money issue with my sweet husband. He just didn't know where we would get the money. So we made a little deal-- If we can save up about half of the money than we will go ahead and start with the paperwork. He just doesn't want to get to far in and than not have the money to finish. I am already on it and have $1000 in our adoption fund!!! We are going to sell his motorcycle and I am going to start as a consultant for Lia Sophia jewelry. I will post a link to that once I get my site up and running. The kids are so excited and put all of their spare change in our adoption jar. It is cute.

I am still researching agencies, but I am pretty sure that I have it narrowed down to 2 that we will continue to think on and hopefully make a decision. If anyone has advice on agencies we would love to hear it.

We recently went on vacation to DisneyWorld and had a fantastic time. That is the reason I haven't posted in such a long time.