Adoption Options

For awhile now we have been discussing all of our adoption choices. Sadly Vietnam adoptions are really unstable right now and there is talk that they may even close down. I truly hope that this doesn't happen. There are so many families waiting for referrals or waiting for travel to bring their little ones home and I can only imagine how frustrating and worrisome this time is for them. My heart truly goes out to those in the process right now. Please keep these fantastic families in your prayers. That being said we don't feel that it is a good idea for us to start a Vietnam adoption at this point in time. This was really hard as I had to come to truly believe that this is where we were suppose to go, but I know that the Lord will open other pathways and options for us. We have talked a lot about domestic adoption and I used to really struggle with some aspects of it. But I have been so touched by so many other families who have had positive experiences with it that I have truly felt my heart being opened to this option. When we first started looking into adoption after realizing the chances of us having another biological child were slim I was immediately drawn to China. Of course after some research we learned that you have to be 30 to adopt from there. Well I was 26 so that didn't work well. I always felt that we would adopt from China someday, but was impatient to wait that long. So we have looked into other options. Unfortunately with new jobs, house moves and the like we have not had the chance to really put any money away. We are working really hard at getting out of debt and have decided to wait until late this year or early next year to start an adoption. Next spring I will be 29 1/2 and able to start China paperwork - so this may be the route we take. I am excited at the prospect even though I know that the wait is quite long, but I have felt for some time that we would have a daughter born in China. Of course when you are in the mists of the struggle of wanting to have a baby more than anything it is hard to say okay lets just wait 4 years. Well 4 years is almost here.

I have struggled of late with the frustrations of infertility. The questions without answers. It is hard to not have any control over when you will be blessed with another sweet spirit, especially when you have had several witnesses that you in fact have a child waiting to come to your home. It has been hard to not be able to find even 1 doctor that can give you any idea what might be wrong with you. I have cried many nights of late pouring my heart out to the Lord asking for answers. It is hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel. I struggle also with knowing that I have been so blessed with 2 wonderful kids and there are so many who can't even have one, so then I feel guilty for feeling the way I do, for struggling and asking why. The other night I had a good cry, I was feeling sorry for myself and Troy really helped me to see how much I do have, and yes this trial is hard but we will get through it and when we finally have our baby in our arms it will have all been worth it. It is sometimes just hard to see that when you are in the mists of it. Sunday our Relief Society lesson was on Gratitude and it couldn't have come at a better time for me. So from now on I am going to try to focus on all the wonderful blessings that I do have. A wonderful family, a devoted husband, his good job, a beautiful house and of course the gospel. I am going to continually work on my patience in this journey and look forward to next year when we can start our adoption process whether it be China or Domestic.