Tati turns 8!!

So November was a big month for us. Tatiyana celebrated her 8th birthday and was baptised. What a great couple of weeks we had leading up to her birthday and preparing for such a special day. I can't believe my little girl is getting so big. She is just the sweetest girl and has the most loving personality. She is always willing to help and loves to be the little mother. She is an awesome big sister and is always so good about playing with her brother. She can't wait for the baby to arrive and I know she will be the best little helper I could possibly ask for. I am so lucky to be the mother of such a special spirit. She is truly beautiful on the inside and out.
Watching Troy baptize and confirm her a member of our Church was so beautiful. Words cannot describe the power of the spirit we felt that day. The power of the priesthood is so amazing and we are so blessed to have it in our home. This was Troy's first baptism and confirmation and it was truly so special. I will remember it always!!

Tati and Troy all dressed in white
Tati in her baptism dress that I made for her. Isn't her smile priceless?Tati on her birthday before school
Me and Tati before the baptism-This is the only preggo pic I plan on posting :)

All of our great family who came to support Tati!

We were so blessed to have so much of our family able to share such a special day with us. My parents came from St. George and Troy's came from California. We even were lucky to have Tatis Great Grandma Maroney come from Arizona. It is a day we will never forget!!

Blog Slacker

Okay so I have been a total blog slacker these days. The holiday season just gets so busy and I don't know where all the time has gone. We have been crazy busy with lots of fun things and I will try to post about them today. We are alive and haven't dropped off the face of the earth :)

Halloween-Better Late than never

Sorry for the picture overload-but we love Halloween at our house! It is one of our favorite holidays. Troy goes all out decorating the front porch with his fog machine, 9ft. Frankenstein, black lights, etc. We always dress up and have a great time!!

Here is Troy doing the limbo-we always have a Halloween dance party after all the trick or treating is done
Kids gone wild! What you can't tell is that we have a strobe light going here

The whole crew-apparently there was a Batman theme that no one told us about:)

Tati cute as a pink punk pirate! Love the tights!

Troy and I all dressed up-I was so excited to actually find maternity costumes this year!

The whole fam!

Tanner our Knight in Shining Armor!

The kids pumpkins!

So there is our Halloween Fun! We loved the fantastic weather-it is the first time in years that it wasn't just cold and possibly snowing-we didn't even really need jackets! If it could be that nice every year I would be in Heaven! It is hard to believe that November is already here and the Holidays are coming up along with the birth of our newest family member in January. It is exciting and will hopefully fly by as we are quite ready to meet this little tyke!

Trip to Phoenix-Roys Wedding

At the beginning of the month we headed down to Phoenix for Troy's cousins wedding. Troy was one of the groomsmen and looked HOT in his tux!! We had a lot of fun seeing all of Troys family and enjoying the warm weather-we missed the snow storm here, which didn't hurt my feelings at all! The wedding was beautiful and tons of fun. We danced, ate tons of good Mexican food(our favorite), did some shopping and just enjoyed visiting with family that we don't see very often. It was a great trip with lots of fun memories.

Concert for Nie!

If you are in Arizona you need to check out this concert for Stephanie and Christian

It is going to be amazing!!! All proceeds are going to help their recovery!! It is awesome and if I were down there I would be there.

One of those Days--or weeks

Have you ever just had one of those days? Where you have lots to do and just no motivation to do it? Well I am having one of those weeks(unfortunately for my house).

Maybe it is because I am pregnant that I have no energy-but needless to say nothing is getting done. Instead of dejunking the the junk counter, vacuuming, dusting or doing laundry I am sitting here at my computer blogging about how I should be doing it-and trying really hard to avoid the temptation of eating only left over Lemon Cake from Troy's birthday for lunch.(it is always better a couple of days after you make it)

Of course leaving in a week for Arizona only adds to the amount of things to get done-as I hate leaving a dirty house that I then just have to come home and clean. But that doesn't seem to be a motivator either. Sadly for me and my poor house when there is too much to do I rebel and instead of just getting it done-I avoid it like the plague. And so for my birthday all I really want is someone to clean my house for me/with me-whatever makes it faster and less painful.

Luckily for me I have a husband who loves me and is willing to be that person:)

Cute-

My kids that is--the last couple of days I have felt like I need to write down some of the cute things that they do so that I can remember them. Of course every mom thinks her kids are the cutest-so I am a little biased that way.

Tati amazes me with her positive attitude every morning when she gets up for school. She is so happy and silly. I feel really lucky to have this special one on one time with her when everyone else is sleeping. She will tell me things as we wait for the bus that I have a hard time getting out of her after school. She is so shy sometimes and her brother needs lots of attention these days, and so I really cherish this time I have with her. This morning she found her sunglasses and was dancing in the living room until it was time to go. She always makes me giggle and she really starts my day off with a smile.

Tanner is the family snacker. The boy always needs a snack-so the other day when he asked for one I went through the normal routine of "well what would you like?" and he answered like always "what do we have?" So I proceed to list off what he can have for a snack-here is how the conversation went:
Tanner:what do we have?
me: well we have granola bars, fruit snacks, cookies, toast-what would you like?
Tanner: ummm-let me think......I think I want to eat you
me: me??
Tanner: yeah (as he proceeds to kiss me all over my face)
me: Im not a snack you silly
Tanner: yes you are yummy-you always tell me I am yummy
me: well you are(I always give him kisses and tell him he is a tasty treat :)
Tanner:well mom you are a tasty treat!!

I laughed so hard. It was so cute.

20 Week Ultrasound-ITS a BABY!!

So we had our ultrasound yesterday! It was lots of fun to actually see the baby. The doc says it is quite fiesty as it did not like being bugged and kept moving out of the way so we weren't able to get a good profile pick and everytime we got the heartbeat it would move-I told him I am used to fiesty :) We didn't find out the sex. Unfortunately for me and the kids I had made Troy a deal when Tati was born that once we had one of each then we could be surprised. I had no idea 8 years later he would hold me to it. So its a healthy baby! And we couldn't be more excited. It was so fun to see it wiggling about, see its feet and hands, it even yawned once, which we have never seen before-so cute. It already seems to have a definate personality! So here are the pics we did get.

This is the babies spine and head
Here are its cute little feet that like to kick me all day
and here is its arm and it is making a little tiny fist.

The doc said that next time I come in they will try for a profile shot-so that will be fun.

First Day of Kindergarten-Tanner

Tanner started Kindergarten today. It is totally crazy!! He is so cute and so big!! He was excited to get the same teacher Tati had and even insisted on riding the bus to school. I being the sentimental mom followed the bus to school and took pictures of him going into his class for the first time. It was hard sending my baby out into the big world-but of course he loved every minute of it and loved sitting with his sister on the way home.

All ready for school
At the bus stop with mommy
Getting on the bus for the first time
Home from school-Tati helps him cross the street
What a bunch of cuties!!! It was really fun to see them come home from school together!! Tati is a great big sister. Tanner is growing up so fast-he is so smart and I know he is going to do so well in school this year. I just hope I survive the empty house for the next 4 months-anyone have great book suggestions? :)

First Week of School-Tati

Tati started 2nd Grade last week and is really loving it. She likes her teacher and seeing all of her friends. She has adjusted to school schedule like a champ and is always happy and excited to go in the mornings. I can't believe she is getting so big! We had a fun cupcake party for all the neighborhood kids when they got off the bus the first day of school. We are so lucky to live in such a great community with lots of kids and awesome moms!

First day of school
At the bus stop in the morning
Coming home from school
Cupcake party with friends
Isn't she just the cutest? I am so proud of her and the little lady she is becoming. She is such a sweetheart and is so kind and loving. I am just so lucky to have such a beautiful and wonderful daughter. She is the best!!!

The NEWS

SO I have been trying to figure out how I wanted to approach this post. First off I know that there are many families who have been trying to have their families for a long time-and I truly admire their strength. I know that I have been so blessed with being able to have 2 kids and only dealing with secondary infertility. I sometimes felt guilty for the personal struggles I have had with it when so many others don't have any kids. But I aso knew that we weren't done growing our family. So after 4 years Troy and I were finally on the same page. Getting pregnant just didn't seem to be something that was going to happen for us-but affording adoption was going to be hard, so we did our research and decided on an adoption route that we figured we could afford and I started putting together an adoption website. In the mean time my new doctor wanted me to try clomid again. I had already done 9 cycles and had zero success with it, but hey it is just about the cheapest option out there-so we tried it. I wasn't optimistic at all and was proven right when I went in on day 22 for a blood drawn and was told I didn't ovulate. I was told to wait until day 35 or so and then call in for a new prescription of a higher dose and provera. I had gotten to the point where I didn't expect results and so was not disappointed-I was just going to continue on with our adoption plans. About a week later I started to get sick-my whole family was sick so I thought that I just had a bug, but day 35 came and I had an extra test lying around so I decided to take it-knowing it would be negative-but why let it go to waste right? So I got up took it and went back to bed-I didn't even look at it-they have been negative for 4 years. I got up about 2 hours later to get Tati off to school and went into the bathroom to see a positive test-I couldn't believe it and didn't. I figured it had sat too long and was too old-but Troy being the optimist that he is examined it every which way and decided it really was positive. I said whatever and went back to sleep :) So later that afternoon he calls me to ask if I went to the store and bought more tests-I of course said "NO why waste the money??" But Troy talked me into and so we trekked to the store, bought some more tests and came home-I was going to wait until the next morning-but Troy was just way too excited, so I took one right then and it came up positive again!!! So me being the doubter that I am packed up the kids and went to the dr's office to get my blood drawn-Lo and behold the next morning they call back to tell me I am most definitely PREGNANT!!!

We of course were shocked, excited, humbled, and feel so blessed! Im not sure what happened or why now, but we are just so grateful. Of course after years of looking forward to adoption we really hope to add to our family through adoption in the future-it will most likely be an international one at that point-but we truly have come to love adoption and really want to be apart of the awesomeness that is adoption.

I have spent the summer being sicker than a dog and never more grateful for morning sickness-I am now 16 weeks and starting to get energy back and feel more normal-if not a lot bigger. The kids are estatic and fight over whether it will be a boy or a girl. I hope that those in the adoption community that read this blog will know how much I admire their strength and unconditional love-I love reading your blogs and following your journey-and will continue to do so. As I hope you will still check in here - this blog will most likely become more of a what is going on in our lives blog now-especially with my family having moved away-but I hope you will check in anyways!!

Summer Fun

Sorry for the Long Slide Show-but I have been a total blog slacker this summer. We have had a lot of fun and kept pretty busy. We have gone to city carnivals, This is the Place State Park, took swimming lesson, went to the zoo and Lagoon. We also had a fun 4th of July going to the parade and watching the fireworks-Tanner also played T-Ball this summer which was really fun.

All in all this has been a fun summer-except for my parents moving last week. We miss them already!! The kids are really having a hard time adjusting. I can't believe school starts in just over a week. It is crazy how fast summer vacation flies by. The kids are so excited to go to school. I will try to be better at posting once we are back into a school routine.

Summer Madness

Well this summer has been off to a rousing start-lets just say we have been busy and life and has given us a few curveballs. Nothing we can't handle, but still surprising. And most have taken us by surprise in good ways and some not so much. So where to begin----

In April my mom found out she had a benign brain tumor. The neurologists said she had to get it out as soon as possible-so her surgery was scheduled for June 18. This tumor has really affected her-she had lost a lot of her peripheal vision on the right side, she could no longer grip a pencil and her balance has been really unsteady. So her surgery was 10 hours long-the tumor was the size of a golf ball and they were able to get it all out!!! She was only in the hospital for 4 days and is doing AWESOME!!! Her balance is coming back, but since they basically had to cut out her inner ear on the right side to get to the tumor, the other side is going to have to start compinsating-it is coming along slowly but everyday she is getting better. She is regaining the strength in her right arm and hand. The tumor was wrapped around her facial nerve and it had stretched it quite a bit, so right now she is dealing with the right side of her face not working as it should. The doctors say it will come back, but may take up to a year. We have already seen a ton of improvement just in these first 2 weeks. The kids and I have spent a lot of time over at my parents house to help out, as she can't be alone for awhile. It has been stressful, but we are sooo grateful for these skilled surgeons who essentially saved my moms life.

The kids have been ultra busy with all of the activities they do in the summer. Tatiyana has gymnastics 4 hours a week, Tanner has been playing T-ball, and they both have been taking swimming lessons with their cousins. It has kept us moving almost everyday and so there hasn't been a lot of time for blogging. So far we are enjoying the summer, we have a two week break from swimming and then back at it.

There are really two big shockers for us so far this summer. The good one I will write about in another post as this is already getting long. But yesterday I was given quite the jolt when my parents told me they were moving to St. George. Now this is a HUGE surprise, but my dad was offered a job down there that they just can't pass up, it pays a lot more and will enable my mom to not have to work, which is a relief for her since she is still recovering. They had always planned on retiring down there, so this just jump starts that process for them. I of course am so sad, I really have loved having them so close and the kids have such a great relationship with them and my sister Lauren-it is going to be a hard adjustment. I am trying to be supportive because I fully understand their reasons for going and I know that they have to do the best thing for them. I am tough and will survive. I always thought I would be the first one to move away from Utah County-but they beat me to it :) It is going to be fast because they want my Dad to start working right away, so they are down there this week looking at houses. It is crazy how fast life can change. I am hoping it will be a great move for them. I especially hope that it will be good for Lauren, she has really struggled the last 2 years at her school and was not looking forward to going to high school. I really hope that she can make some good friends and enjoy the rest of her teen years. I am going to miss just being able to drop in, or meet up for lunch. It is going to be a little crazy.

So that is the madness of my summer so far. Of course there is one more surprise that took us for a spin, but I will post about that later. I will try to post more often and get some pics up of the fun things the kids are doing this summer.

9 years of Wedded Bliss!!!!

So this week Troy and I will celebrate our 9th anniversary!! What a wonderful 9 years it has been. We have grown together as a couple. Troy is truly my best friend and I am so grateful for him in my life. We have moved away from family, bought houses, changed jobs, had 2 beautiful children, suffered infertility, depression, and death, and through it all we are closer than ever!! I have the best husband!!! So here are just a 9 of the many amazing things I love about my husband:
1--He is an AMAZING father!! The kids adore him. He always is playing with them, taking them out on daddy outings. He is always there to listen and love them!!

2--He listens when I have the need to chat his ear off at midnight even though he has to be up to work in the morning. (I have a tendency to be most chatty at night when the kids are asleep)

3--He is so smart and amazing at his job. He is constantly studying and trying to learn new things. He works so hard for us and for me to able to stay at home.

4--He is so funny!! He is like a big kid and loves to laugh and joke, make up little songs and dances to amuse the kids and me.

5--He is a great snuggler

6--He does dishes and vacuums regularly

7--He indulges my fantasies of living in Europe even though the liklihood of that happening is slim to none

8--He treats his mom, my mom, his sisters and my sister with such love and respect

9--He makes me laugh everyday, makes me feel important no matter what meeting he is in and I know that I always come first.

So here are some OLD pictures of us

This is our engagement pic. Don't we look so young? Thats cause we were!!
Here we are at our reception.Don't you love the 90's style dress and veil??
Here we are 1 year later after we were sealed in the Salt Lake Temple!! I was 5 months pregant with Tati, so my wedding dress was out of the question. It was a beautiful day that I will always cherish!!!

Favorite Photo Friday-Tanners Graduation

Tanner graduated from Preschool yesterday and did such a good job. He read a book and sang a song all by himself at the mircrophone. He was so cute and we are so proud of him!!! He loved going to preschool this year and can't wait for kindergarten. It is hard to believe he is getting so big!!!
Our family afterwards. Doesn't he look cute in his cap and gown? Next week Tati has a performance at school that they have been working on all year, she is excited and so are we!!

MOMS

I know it is late-but I wanted to write about great mothers. I have been so blessed with a wonderful mother. She is truly one of my greatest friends. She has always been there for me, even when I was a punk teenager and a real pain in the butt I am sure. She sat in a small PICU hospital room for weeks, sometimes months at a time to be with my sister when she was sick. She just is truly an amazing mom full of strength and love. I love how she is the best grandma ever. My kids just adore her. She gets down on the floor and plays with them, they do crafts and she always has something special for them when they come over. They love her so much and I love to watch them with her. She has some health struggles lately, but she hasn't let that keep her from being mom and grandma. I am truly blessed to have such a wonderful mom-who taught me what it is to be a good mom.

I am soo lucky to be a mom. I just feeled so blessed that these sweet spirits chose me to be their mother. I could not ask for a better gift!!

Also I have been thinking so much about birthmothers this week and their selfless love and devotion to giving their children more. I am just so amazed at their courage and strength. I truly admire them so much. As your are going through this journey it is amazing how many people you already know have been touched by adoption and you just never knew it. I have a close friend who I found out placed 11 years ago, she has been so kind to share her experience with me and my perspectives about open adoption have truly been changed. She has a really good relationship with her daughters adoptive parents and they even came to the temple when she and her husband and their girls were sealed together. What a wonderful gift!!! My cousin is another example of a wonderful and courageous mother. I have always loved her and thought she was great, and now I feel so much admiration for her. She is awesome!! Now if you want to hear a great tribute to birthmoms you have to check out http://therhouse.blogspot.com this is seriously the best adoption blog ever!! She is a great adoption advocate!! You really should check it out-it has really opened up my heart to open adoption!! Her experiences are truly amazing!!

Putting yourself out there

So I have been wanting to write this post for awhile but didn't know how. Just 2 weeks ago we were made aware of a situation that my 2nd cousin might be placing her newborn baby for adoption. We told them that we would absolutely love to adopt her, but we have also been close growing up and knew that placing with a family member might be too hard for her. We knew that the chances were slim and didn't want to get our hopes up. She did decide to place, but felt that family was going to be too hard. Of course we understand and respect her decision and think she is so brave for choosing adoption.

There was just a little part of me that really hoped that she would pick us, and I was a wreck for days. So how do you not get your hopes up when you are putting yourself out there? I mean this is really the first situation we have been in where we said "hey we would love to adopt your baby" so it is all really new, but hard. I am sure many adoptive parents have felt this same thing when starting out on this journey. Does it get easier? Do your hopes get raised everytime you know you are being considered? It is just such an emotional roller coaster. You really have to make yourself vulnerable and you can't say hey pick us and not get a little attached to that baby and situation.

Sorry this is really just a rambling post-but I wanted to get my thoughts down somewhere. We are grateful that she even considered us and know that she had a tough choice to make. We hope that one day the Lord will bless us with an extrodinary birth mom who will bless our lives by making such a courageous choice to be parents to her sweet baby. We truly have come to love and respect birth parents so much-they are amazing!!!

Tanner turns 5!!!

Last week Tanner celebrated his 5th birthday. It is hard to believe that he is getting so big. He is going to be graduating from preschool and going off to kindergarten in the fall. Its way too crazy. So in honor of his 5th birthday I am going to tell you five things about Tanner

1.He has a memory that astounds us. He doesn't forget anything. He whomps me regularly at matching games. We call him our little elephant because of it.

2. He is a total crack up. This boy is sooo funny. Sometimes I am just amazed at the cute and funny things that he comes up with. On his bday he woke up when his dad was leaving for work and put up 5 fingers and grinned at us, then went back to sleep.

3. He is all boy. He loves Power Rangers, SpiderMan and Star Wars.

4. He told his Preschool teacher that he wanted to be a "Jedi" when he grows up. He knows more about Star Wars than I will ever know, and gives me a run down and who is who whenever we watch it.

5. He is the most loving little boy. Even though he is growing up so fast he still loves to snuggle mom and give me kisses. He loves his big sister like crazy and can't wait until she gets home from school.

I am so lucky to have such a wonderful little man-here are some pictures of him through the years.

Please Pray

Without going into too many details.. My cousin had a baby on Thursday and is facing some struggles. Please keep her and her sweet little girl in your prayers as she and her family face this trial.

Thank You
Jenn

Favorite Photo Friday-Happy Bday Lynzi

Today would be my sister Lynzi's 26th birthday. She passed away nearly 7 years ago from rejection of her transplanted heart. My heart aches when I think of her and I miss her everyday. Lynzi was so strong and dealt with so much in her short life. What an amazing example of courage and faith she was to me. Through all her trials she always loved the gospel and when she got sick she was preparing to go through the temple. I was blessed to be able to do part of her temple work not long after she passed away. What an amazing and wonderfully spiritual experience it was.
Lynzi loved sports, especially basketball, she loved Star Wars, loved collecting things. She took such pleasure in the small joys because many of the bigs ones we all experience she knew she might not ever have. She was one of the biggest tom boys I have ever known and her and Troy loved to play nintendo together or shoot hoops in the driveway. Lynzi adored Tatiyana and loved her as her own. Tati was only 8 months old when she died and doesn't remember her much, but oh how loved she was by my dear sweet sister. One of the last things she asked for before she went into a coma was to see and hold her "baby". What a wonderful memory for us to have of her and to tell Tati about. It is sad that my children don't know their aunt Lynzi, but we try to talk of her often and tell them about her. I know she is their guardian angel. I think Tanner must have known her in Heaven as he talks about her all the time and knows things about her that we have never told him. How sweet are these little ones so recently come from our Heavenly Fathers presence?? Lynzi always wanted a baby brother and what fun she would have had playing with Tanner. These are the things I miss, her knowing my kids and that wonderful sister relationship. I am so grateful to have had her for 19 years.

This picture was taken about a year after Lynzi died. Tatiyana is loving her picture, it is so sweet. She is looking at her with such recognistion. This bottom picture is so very special to me as it is the only picture I have been able to find with Lynzi holding Tatiyana. It was taken just a month before she died and I truly treasure it.
I love you Lynz with all my heart and we miss you so much.

Spring Break-Laguna Beach California

The Results are In........

and of course my bloodwork came normal except I didn't ovulate. Do we really pay money for this kind of stuff??

So my doc gave me provera and clomid-it has been a couple of years since I last tried clomid, so maybe this time it will work. I figure it is cheap so we mine as well try it. Not enjoying the side effects though-so not fun.

It has been a crazy week, but that is another post entirely.

Favorite Photo Friday

This is an oldie-but I love it! I have been so lucky that my kids are such great friends and have always loved to play together. This was when Tanner was just 2 and I love how he is just looking at her so sweetly. He really does adore his sister and she is very protective of him. It is such a cute relationship and I feel so blessed.

A Conversation with the Doctor

So I went to the OB/GYN on Friday-here is how it went

Doc- So what symptoms have you been having?
Me-Well I didn't have a period for 3 months and then I bled for 3 months straight
Doc-Hmmm-it sounds like you probably aren't ovulating
Me-yup-and this is news?? Your the 3rd doc to tell me that*
Doc-well lets try some clomid
Me-Ive done 6 or 7 cycles of clomid and I never ovulate on it-even at the highest dose
Doc-well lets run some blood work and see what that tells us
Me-you mean the blood tests we run every 6 months that tell you I didn't ovulate but everything else is normal?* Okay we can do that
Doc-have you been to the fertility specialists yet?
Me-yeah-they didn't even look at my chart and ordered all the same tests I had just had done 2 weeks before-My previous doc thought I had POF and the fertility doc said no thats not even possible without even looking at my chart-so we werent very happy with that visit
Doc-hmm that is strange, they are usually so thorough-well lets see what the blood work says and we'll go from there
Me-Okay thanks

*Italics to add my thoughts-not what I actually said*
So needless to say I didn't get much out of my trip to the doctor-I am not adverse to going back to a fertility specialist-but I would like to find one that will actually listen to me and not just assume because I am so young or because I have had 2 kids that nothing could be wrong. I actually have all the symptoms of POF-of course I hope that that isn't it. I am so ready to move forward with an adoption-I would just like to know what is wrong with me for closure I guess.

Favorite Photo Friday-Easter Edition

I loved this picture cause it shows how much my kids love to cheese it-Plus they are all dressed up which is always so cute.

This picture shows how funny Tanner is - he is giving his dad the "are you seriously making me take more pictures" look.
Easter Haul-the Bunny left a lot of candy this year-much to the detriment of my waistline-but of course the kids loved it-and are still enjoying it-I am finding wrappers everywhere.
Tati is still looking a little sleepy eyed in this pic. But she loved her littlest pet shop stuff!
Tanner is my number 1 cheeser!! Showing off what the easter bunny brought.